Home renovator, Kent Huffman, reports that he just wants work on his shed.
By Tim Smith, Copy Editor
Kent Huffman, 58, tells The Argus, “This Saturday, I’m starting a new project. Already ordered the lumber and everything—but I’m not starting ‘til seven so everyone can hit the snooze a couple extra times.”
For years Huffman has spent his Saturday mornings working on home projects such as new decks, bookshelves, a sign that reads “Huff’s House”, and even re-shingling his roof.
“That was a great summer,” Huffman reminisced, “there I was, hammering away, and I’d have to stop, y’know, just to watch the sunrise. It was so peaceful and serene, and I could see the whole thing from up there. In fact, I would have missed it entirely if it wasn’t for Ms. Thompson from two doors down thrusting her hand in an upwards motion out her window. Wonder what the old gal was up to.” Huffman chuckles fondly.
This Saturday, Huffman is starting late and is letting the neighbourhood know. Normally, Huffman starts his saw at 6 a.m. after a nourishing breakfast, but this week he anticipates recovering from a late night with his wife at her office Christmas party on Friday evening. They almost made it to the end of the party last year, but Kent got into a raging debate with Bob Harris, 59, who persisted that screws always trump nails. “What a prick,” Huffman decided, but they hope to make it to at least 10 p.m this year.
However, Harris isn’t the only one with whom Huffman shares his projects. “I love waking up to Mr. Huffman’s work,” reports local university student, Nick Coleman, with forced sincerity and a tense grimace of a smile. “Sometimes, he even starts the day sharpening his tools. There’s nothing like the sweet sound of metal against spinning stone at 6 a.m. after a long night of drinking, boy… I’ll tell ya!” Coleman’s eye continually twitched with enthusiasm during his remarks.
This Saturday, Huffman will start his new project building a shed. While tucking his pencil behind his ear, Kent beamed, “I’ve already got all the wood, just gotta cut it up and I can start nailing it together!”
Local police have suggested that residents in Kent’s neighbourhood stay the night at a friend’s house, or to dial extension #4833 (HUFF) in order to streamline response time.